Mommy Monday: One Son and Done Part 1 of 2

I never planned to be the mother of an only child. In fact, I had planned to have three children: two boys and a girl. The boys were going to be Joshua and Jacob; the baby girl was going to be Elizabeth Ann.

Life never goes as planned.

I spent the first six months of my pregnancy terrified that I was going to have a little girl. Despite being the oldest of three girls, I was certain that I would not know how to raise one (especially, if she behaved like I did as a teenager). 

You can see the trouble on my face at 17.

Mothers often get those odd "mommy senses" and I knew that the child in my belly was not a Joshua. The night before the ultrasound to determine the sex, "Danny's Song" by Loggins and Messina. Upon hearing the following verse, I began to weep in the car:

"Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign,

Strong and kind,

And the little boy is mine.

Now I see a family where the once was none.

Now we've just begun.

Yeah, we're gonna fly to the sun."

It was mostly hormonal, I know. However, there was an overwhelming sense of love while his dad and I sat in the car and sang along with the song. We were also broke, so that hit home quite a bit. We already knew that our child was going to be a Pisces (although, he just missed Virgo rising and was a Pisces, Gemini rising for those that believe that matters). It was time to figure out a boy's name...just in case.

The doctor confirmed that I was carrying a little boy the next day. He was named Michael. I relaxed at the thoughts of frogs and Tonka trucks in place of bows and tea parties. I still figured that a little princess would come into my life some day.

I have no idea how they could tell. 

Again, life never goes as planned.

I am now officially the "ONE AND DONE" mom. I am perfectly content with that title, but what I worry about is the dreaded "Baby Boy/Peter Pan" syndrome.

I have been married twice, and both of my ex-husbands were only children. My beloved aunt was also a "ONE AND DONE" to an only child. Ex #1 was raised by a single mom,

Roo's Dad = Ex #1

Ex# 2 was by a single mom turned military wife, and my cousin was raised by a military wife. All three scenarios created an environment where the mother was primary adult. Each mother (and I say this with all the love in the world) was on some level overbearing, overprotective, and/or overly involved. All of them love their sons tremendously and did whatever they thought would be best for each child in their own way.

While I have nothing negative to say about these three men as adults, I can confirm that they all struggled to overcome the "Baby Boy/Peter Pan" syndrome. In fact, I am not sure that my evil ginger cousin has outgrown it, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

Evil Ginger/Only Child/Cousin 

None of their mothers wanted their sons to have periods in their adult life of immaturity and co-dependency. It happened. I had heard the motivational speaker Andy Andrews state that parents should not be trying to raise good kids, but rather great adults. Having grown up in Little Rock, I was well aware of the philosophy of Catholic High School for Boys; their goal was to help create healthy men, husbands, and fathers. My momma-mission was similar.

So, what am I doing that my aunt and my two ex-mother-in-laws did to create Baby Boys/Peter Pans?

Too BLASTED much. Too over-protective/over-bearing/overly involved? Take your pick. There is such a thin line that it is hard to say.

My wonderful aunt always said, “I know that kids can do things for themselves, but why should they?” She and my father how a major disagreement because I was capable of making my own breakfast when I was four years old. She thought that I should have a freshly made breakfast; whereas my single father felt that climbing on the counter and making a bowl of cereal was sufficient. As much as I loved the attention that my aunt bestowed upon me, scaling the counter was always fun.

My son is only 7, but he prefers fantasy to known reality. He also states that he, "never wants to grow up." Sigh.

I stay torn between "letting a kid be a kid" and pushing him towards independence. As a newly single mom, my perspective has started to changed. In the adjustments that have had to occur, I have had to reevaluate who I am as a mom. I do not have the luxury of creating the "perfectly magical" childhood that I so desperately want to give him.

On a side note,  Bunmi Laditan published a fantastic article about all the insane things that moms today are doing to provide that for their children, even though it isn't necessary for a happy childhood. It is titled “I am Done Making My Kid's Childhood Magical” and it is worth the read!!!  

Kathy Caprino wrote "7 CripplingParenting Behaviors that Keep Children from Growing into Leaders" and while it is yet to be determined if my son will be some great leader, I do know that I don't want him to be dependent and unsure of himself.

He looks like a potential leader of North Korea.

Both articles provide insight that is helpful to most parents.

Using Caprino's 7 Behavior Traits as a guide, I am going to face the hard reality of how my actions as a single mom of impact my only child and his development into a productive adults.

1. We don’t let our children experience risk

Roo is a scaredy cat! His father and I were both dare devils, so it has been frustrating to watch him resist doing fun things. While he is improving, he still has break downs over new things. This may be because he was a little too young and unprepared when I took him on a Tilt-a-Whirl. In fact, he says that ride ruined the State Fair forever.

I have been one of the worst about letting him experience risk. I am a worry wart. While I did not go crazy baby-proofing everything completely, I certainly monitored him continuously. This never stopped. Infants and toddlers need much monitoring, but at some point between then and now, I should have at least let him go to other rooms by himself for more than three nano-seconds. When I started trying to create an environment of independence a year or so ago, I was met with great resistance. 

In fact, he still wants me to brush my teeth with him. At his father's house, he is very independent. Welcome to a mommy-created problem. 

2. We rescue too quickly

Boy, howdy!!! I was always pretty good about telling him to "shake it off" when there was a minor injury. I am, sadly, very weak when it comes to any perceived unfairness dealt to him by his teachers, other adults, and older children. As an educator, I KNOW BETTER!!! I have been on the other end of that conference table, but it doesn't stop the "Momma Bear" from defending her "precious little angel" who could not have possibly done anything wrong.

I have worked on this for about a year, too. I discovered that "precious little angel" told a nun at his school that I was "too poor" to give him money for the book fair. She responded by sending me the nicest letter that not only offered prayer, but financial assistance. 

The devil was ALIVE AND WELL 

when I read that letter from that nun because, in reality, he lost the option to participate in the book fair because of his behavior, not money.

As for the older and meaner kids, I still find myself infuriate with parents who don’t notice that their children are little jerks. “Boys will be boys” does not work when your child is 3 years older, 20 pounds heavier, and at least 6 inches taller. This always makes for tense situations on the playground. I look like an overprotective child of a mama’s boy and I view them as irresponsible for their budding bully.

3. We rave too easily

I don't subscribe to the idea that "every child gets a trophy" philosophy. In fact, I think that is utter garbage. 

Here I am, the mother that consistently praises every little thing that her child does. I could psycho-babble many reasons why I do this based on my childhood, but my childhood insecurities should not be overcompensated for in my own child. At this rate, his head will be so inflated by the time he is 10 that I will be required to hire a demolition team to get his head out of the door.

UNTIL NEXT TIME,


LOVE LOUDLY!!!!

Teaching Tuesday: Julius Caesar Webquest

Below is the link that will take you to the Prezi where you will find your general information and specific information for each assigned group. Hop on your Tardis and discover a different time and place. 

Ancient Rome Webquest

Rubrics Newspaper : Ancient Roman Times Teacher Name: Ms. Hatfield  Student Name:     ________________________________________

CATEGORY	4	3	2	1
Layout - Headlines & Captions	All articles have headlines that capture the reader\'s attention and accurately describe the content. All articles have a byline. All graphics have captions that adequately describe the people and action in the graphic.	All articles have headlines that accurately describe the content. All articles have a byline. All graphics have captions.	Most articles have headlines that accurately describe the content. All articles have a byline. Most graphics have captions.	Articles are missing bylines OR many articles do not have adequate headlines OR many graphics do not have captions.
Layout - Columns	Columns are neatly typed in the \"justified\" type style. There are adequate and consistent \"gutters\" between all columns and articles. A glance at the newpaper makes you think \"professional.\"	Columns are neatly typed. There are adequate and consistent \"gutters\" between all columns and articles. A glance at the newpaper makes you think \" fairly professional.\"	Columns are typed. There are adequate \"gutters\" between most columns and articles. It is easy to read, but looks somewhat nonprofessional.	Columns are not neatly typed and/or \"gutters\" are not adequate, so newspaper is somewhat difficult to read.
Knowledge Gained	All students in the group can accurately answer all questions related to a) stories in the newspaper and b) technical processes used to create the newspaper.	All students in the group can accurately answer most questions related to a) stories in the newspaper and b) technical processes used to create the newspaper.	Most students in the group can accurately answer most questions related to a) stories in the newspaper and b) technical processes used to create the newspaper.	Several students in the group appear to have little knowledge about the facts and the technical processes used for the newspaper.
Spelling and Proofreading	No spelling or grammar errors remain after one or more people (in addition to the typist) read and correct the newspaper.	No more than a couple of spelling or grammar errors remain after one or more people (in addition to the typist) read and correct the newspaper.	No more than 3 spelling or grammar errors remain after one or more people (in addition to the typist) read and correct the newspaper.	Several spelling or grammar errors remain in the final copy of the newspaper.
Articles - Purpose	90-100% of the articles establish a clear purpose in the lead paragraph and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.	85-89% of the articles establish a clear purpose in the lead paragraph and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.	75-84% of the articles establish a clear purpose in the lead paragraph and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.	Less than 75% of the articles establish a clear purpose in the lead paragraph and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Articles - Supporting Details	The details in the articles are clear, effective, and vivid 80-100% of the time.	The details in the articles are clear and pertinent 90-100% of the time.	The details in the articles are clear and pertinent 75-89% of the time.	The details in more than 25% of the articles are neither clear nor pertinent.
Graphics	Graphics are in focus, are well-cropped and are clearly related to the articles they accompany.	Graphics are in focus and are clearly related to the articles they accompany.	80-100% of the graphics are clearly related to the articles they accompany.	More than 20% of the graphics are not clearly related to the articles OR no graphics were used.
Articles - Interest	The articles contain facts, figures, and/or word choices that make the articles exceptionally interesting to readers.	The articles contain facts, figures, and/or word choices that make the articles interesting to readers.	The article contains some facts or figures but is marginally interesting to read.	The article does not contain facts or figures that might make it interesting to read.
Editorials - Worthwhile	The information was accurate and there was a clear reason for including the editorial in the newspaper.	The information was accurate and there was a fairly good reason for including the editorial in the newspaper.	The information was occasionally inaccurate or misleading, but there was a clear reason for including the editorial in the newspaper.	The information was typically inaccurate, misleading or libelous.
Use of Primary Sources	Reading of primary source material was thorough.	Reading of primary source material was fairly thorough.	Reading of primary source material was incomplete.	Reading of primary source material was not done.

Making A Brochure : Ancient Roman Times Teacher Name: Ms. Hatfield Student Name:     ________________________________________

CATEGORY	4	3	2	1
Writing - Organization	Each section in the brochure has a clear beginning, middle, and end.	Almost all sections of the brochure have a clear beginning, middle and end.	Most sections of the brochure have a clear beginning, middle and end.	Less than half of the sections of the brochure have a clear beginning, middle and end.
Writing - Grammar	There are no grammatical mistakes in the brochure.	There are no grammatical mistakes in the brochure after feedback from an adult.	There are 1-2 grammatical mistakes in the brochure even after feedback from an adult.	There are several grammatical mistakes in the brochure even after feedback from an adult.
Spelling & Proofreading	No spelling errors remain after one person other than the typist reads and corrects the brochure.	No more than 1 spelling error remains after one person other than the typist reads and corrects the brochure.	No more than 3 spelling errors remain after one person other than the typist reads and corrects the brochure.	Several spelling errors in the brochure.
Writing - Vocabulary	The authors correctly use several new words and define words unfamiliar to the reader.	The authors correctly use a few new words and define words unfamiliar to the reader.	The authors try to use some new vocabulary, but may use 1-2 words incorrectly.	The authors do not incorporate new vocabulary.
Writing - Mechanics	Capitalization and punctuation are correct throughout the brochure.	Capitalization and punctuation are correct throughout the brochure after feedback from an adult.	There are 1-2 capitalization and/or punctuation errors in the brochure even after feedback from an adult.	There are several capitalization or punctuation errors in the brochure even after feedback from an adult.
Attractiveness & Organization	The brochure has exceptionally attractive formatting and well-organized information.	The brochure has attractive formatting and well-organized information.	The brochure has well-organized information.	The brochure\'s formatting and organization of material are confusing to the reader.
Sources	Careful and accurate records are kept to document the source of 95-100% of the facts and graphics in the brochure.	Careful and accurate records are kept to document the source of 94-85% of the facts and graphics in the brochure.	Careful and accurate records are kept to document the source of 84-75% of the facts and graphics in the brochure.	Sources are not documented accurately or are not kept on many facts and graphics.
Content - Accuracy	All facts in the brochure are accurate.	99-90% of the facts in the brochure are accurate.	89-80% of the facts in the brochure are accurate.	Fewer than 80% of the facts in the brochure are accurate.
Knowledge Gained	All students in the group can accurately answer all questions related to facts in the brochure and to technical processes used to create the brochure.	All students in the group can accurately answer most questions related to facts in the brochure and to technical processes used to create the brochure.	Most students in the group can accurately answer most questions related to facts in the brochure and to technical processes used to create the brochure.	Several students in the group appear to have little knowledge about the facts or technical processes used in the brochure.
Graphics/Pictures	Graphics go well with the text and there is a good mix of text and graphics.	Graphics go well with the text, but there are so many that they distract from the text.	Graphics go well with the text, but there are too few and the brochure seems \"text-heavy\".	Graphics do not go with the accompanying text or appear to be randomly chosen.